I jus broke my record !!!

Never have i listened or downloaded a Hindi song , as much as i have with this particular song :)) Thought i'd put it up to remind me of my first ever downloaded hindi song in the history of all Hindi songs :)

Dear blog,

Sometimes they say in order to write, we need Inspiration, we need to be happy or miserable when we are most humbled by the experiences and circumstances we face. I am humbled to have you, coz your like this one place I go to, every now and then when I need to shake off all that anger, sadness, happiness or confusion and maintain my sanity. So ….. here I am back again!

How…….. without even trying did I make my life so complicated? Its funny when they say every five years you realize how stupid you were five years ago… but the funny part is it takes five years or even more to realize that. But then, as much as being stupid five years ago amuses me now, if I had to do it all over again, I cannot say if I would or would not change it. Because everything that I’ve been through, every happiness, every sadness, every tear and laughter, has helped me grow and learn, funny how some of us have always had to learn it the hard way round!! And I don’t think I would wanna change the person that I am today, regardless of what I may feel right now.

Its true when they say­, People get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy, we`ll get that car, that job, that person in our life that will fix everything, but happiness is a mood and its a condition, not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry, it’s not permanent, it comes and goes, And that’s okie!

Happiness is a mood not a destination, I like that.

If we all thought of it that way, we’d find happiness a lot more often. So, I guess its also okie to be miserable every now and then, even when you have great things and people in your life, like its okie to be hungry now and then.

Sometimes when things seem most desperate, people find you and it helps to know you are not alone. So I should consider myself the luckiest girl on the face of the earth, coz life is too SHORT for negativity!!

….for now I say goodbye to this chapter of my life! And I Look forward to what comes next!!

After 4 years... A mother's Diary

Its been 4 years since i last took time to blog, so much to write about, hard to know where to start, but its finally good to have my life back on track again, doing the little things that i love to do, like writing, besides other things. Although i`m far from mastering the art, taking a little time out on a day to muse my reflections and thoughts, keeps me intouch with who i am and who i need to be and the changes i need to make in my life.

Sometimes, many times, I just need to stop and look for the beauty, the joys. They can be so easy to overlook in the midst of so many pressures and concerns. Its hard to imagine how much has changed in these 4 years, I have embraced being a wife and a mother, and there are times when i wonder how i got to where i am now, yet not knowing the path before me has blessed me more than ever. Embracing Motherhood has been the greatest gift from God, and i cannot imagine a life without it. The Joy of motherhood is priceless and yet, motherhood at the same time is not all fun and joy, its Lots and lots of hard work plus sacrifice ...in reality!

PHRASE 1

I have been blessed with a son who loves to hang out with me, even though it can be annoying during those times when I just want to get some things done, I’m thankful for a little son who loves his mama. My time is one of the most valuable things to me. Because of this, I’m very jealous of the time when Joshua takes his naps. What I do with that time has a remarkable effect on the outcome of my day. If I use all that time to clean the house, I end up feeling drained and as if I had no rest all day long. If I use that time to sit and read something or occasionally watch a light-hearted movie, i feel much more relaxed and able to be a mummy. Sometimes I feel that I only have so little time when I can be by myself. I tell myself, "I haven’t worked on anything creative for so long. I NEED this time”. But I realize that time that is so precious to me is even more valuable to give to someone I love, to someone who loves me.I try to remember this, as I find myself giving time to Joshua, reading that same book for the fourth time in a row :D


PHRASE 2

Our room is finally clean and tidy almost to my satisfaction and I’m exhausted, but still pretty pleased about the state of the bathroom I have to keep clean. Then the thought shouts out in my head “You’re just going to have to do it all over again tomorrow!– or at least within a week.” Uuggh. It doesn’t feel so good being in the tidiness any more. After all, tomorrow Joshua will drag out all his toys again, take all the things he can reach and strew them across the floor, the bed will need making, along with one of the weekly chores that are sprinkled through my days. The washed laundry will need folding. And to top it off, my hair is falling out; yes, it’s a normal horrible post-pregnancy phenomenon that will eventually right itself, Like I said, uuggh.

PHRASE 3

Joshua is now 3 years and 4 months, and he is eating well. This is such a HUGE blessing as ever for us, since most mothers I've encountered have been complaining about how feeding their child has been a bit of a struggle for them . He is now eating what we eat for dinner, including a bit of meat and vegetables. He loves fruit and peanut butter. He happily eats almost anything now! And this has taken such a load off my shoulders. He is a good baby ( or should i call him a little boy now) and usually sleeps through the night. His smiles and giggles are like a balm to the heart. He has now started going to pre-school near our house, he loves it there, playing with his new found friends and from time to time, he imitates his teacher with all the 'good morning, sit down stuff'.

As for me, I've taken up a job of interest and doing well, yet i miss not being able to spend as much time as i use to with joshua. Shifts are taking place within me and I want to be open to change, and, I have the sense that it’s right and good for the both of us.

P.S- thanks to Christina(for persuing me to blog again) and Umar Bkh "ps: wordpress is so popular becuz its super easy to use, but whatever you like, you have one constant reader ;P" <-- Keeping this in MIND!!!! :D Thanks for making me feel normal again. To the Joy of sharing All Good Things :D

Early MOrning and A memory BLiss...

I love the feeling of the new day being birthed. I am not a morning person but on those rare days that I am woken early by a phone call from home, a loved one, or a dear friend, I choose to cherish the moments where I get to watch the world waking up instead of feeling robbed of another half hour of sleep. I usually brew myself a nice cup of hot chai and make up something light like hot buttered toast topped with a thin layer of jam. Which reminds me of Lucy Maud Montgomery words “The world is always young again for just a few moments at the dawn.”

Consequently, the memory that I count as my first took place in the early morning before most of the family was up, except for my dad. I remember his delicate steps entering my room, opening the window to let the fresh cool breeze in, I’d slowly open my eyes and drift back to sleep. A moment later, I’d wake up with the cool breeze blowing across my face. I remember wandering down the stairs and towards the window with a cup of tea, he’d already made for the rest of us. I saw my dad standing on the balcony, with a cigarette in his hand, looking out onto the back yard with the woods beyond it. He beckoned me over and I went and stood beside him. We both stood in silence, looking at the trees dance with the wind. A precious memory of the most important man in my life, my first and long lasting love.

Now from the moment I wake up, my morning is filled with getting ready for work, sometimes without breakfast, and then rushing off to office. Endless Projects after Projects, Family calls and it’s always “I’m Fine and I love my work”, Friends call and it’s “I am having the Joy of my life at work”, because it’s a long story to brag about a life where you can’t find moments for yourself, and it takes quite a lot of energy to try explaining, so when people ask, its always “I’m Loving it”, not that I don’t love it. But there are days and times, when I don’t notice whether it’s raining outside, Days I fail to notice the bright sunshine and the seasons just pass by. Days when I sometimes see only the morning and the darkness slowly creeping in. And Saturdays and Sundays are too precious to be wasted for other things; the only two days you get to catch up on all the good sleep you’ve lost through the week. I’ve come to recognize how vitally important time is for me and I feel its lack when I don’t have moments to myself, When I fail to notice the things and people around me. I miss the closeness, the intensity of my life I felt I once had. Although, I do love my job, but sometimes I hate the fact that I am bounded to it, and they have more of me rather than me having more of myself.

When I was in Bangalore, doing an internship in my second year, we were required to write in a personal journal each day, so that we don’t miss out any info later on for our job report. I now cherish those two journals that I filled: musings on the way of life and the beauty of my surroundings as well as words that helped me work through all the emotions that came with a time of intense growth.

My journal here hasn’t been as consistent as it is not a requirement, yet I still try filling it whenever I can, as the way I see the world and work through the hard things which are so influenced by this tangible way of reflection.

Resurrection

I Have Learned So much from God That I can no longer Call Myself A Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim, A Buddhist, a Jew.

The Truth has shared so much of Itself With me That I can no longer call myself A man, a woman, an angel Or even pure Soul.

Love has Befriended [ME] so completely. It has turned to ash And freed Me Of every concept and image My mind has ever known.

~Hafiz :)

Somethin Stupid

Late Night, seemed hollow, silent and still, one of those restless nights when nothing you do seem to make sense nor please you, I walked towards the window, a vast number of buildings that appeared to be structured in the same design when Jesus walked this earth, the structure that stood different among the rest was the one with the red tainted roof. Nothing seemed to interest me; as usual back to the same old thing I do when I get sentimentally blue, sat in front of the idiot box and started flipping the channel, all the news channel seemed focus on the war in Lebanon, God TV preached about how god would save and protect Israel while the religious Muslim channel too preached about how Allah would save, protect and liberate them, quite differently Jaya TV was showing clips of the new movies that hit the Indian Screen, Mtv had its unless bollywood hips dancing around in foreign lands!

It kind of made me wonder how Media in this time and age can be very misleading, considering the ongoing war, it almost seemed like the media was heading the war, dictating, consuming and telling you what you should believe in. The recent Iraq war and the condemnation of George Bush (after the war) by People in most part of the world was so much highlighted that one could easily have a negative impression of the Bushman, there was little room for people to stop and think about what Sadam too inflicted upon innocent people like the gas chamber in which many people died which was not at all different from the acts of Hitler and his gang, the countless number of killings inflicted upon his own people. Saying all this might give you the impression that I might be a Bush fan, well here it is loud and clear, I am not, I dont think what Bush did was right either and yes, when it was Osama Bin Laden that he was suppose to be after, he ended up capturing Sadam Hussein. But I am no one to judge who is right or wrong, I am very clear of that, however, with all the hype that the media initiates its hard to have a clear perspective of whats really happening, or of whats wrong or right, it leaves no room for us to make our own judgment, they think for us, tell us who is wrong or right and we re just taking it in, consuming it day and night, well, until maybe someday we ll finally decide to wake up and see the world for ourselves, the way it really is !!!

Class of 2003

One of those day`s when you come across something long gone yet not forgotten, memories that make you wish - you could turn back the hands of time!! checking thru my old album came across some snapshots of the good ol' hay days when we decided to make a tibetan documentary for our final yr project because we were all so inspired by the tasty, mouth-watering tibetan momo`s in Ejipura! It was a yr of travel and Living :) life was complete with a set of bag- pack containing the most hilarious set of clothes (come to think of it now, my sense of fashion was always .... "out of the box") and a synthetic multi-coloured carpet to sleep on, my fav sneakers which unfortunately got torn, and since i did`nt carry any extraz, i however was able to patch up the holes with a stapler. And not to forget, my white flowery bedsheet which by the end of the trip was so "discoloured" that we had to search for the flower prints to prove that it had flower prints on it. Some of the great discovery we made aside from the project was that donuts actually tasted good with chilly sauce toppings, we also discovered that we were all fast runners after being chased by a black cow in the village. A lot of very special memories , the orphanage, the old age home, the monastries, the Lama camp, the people, the dance, the food, the anniversary of Dalai lama Noble prize celebration, the carpet industry, the piantings, the art etc etc ... everything was a hugh pack of special memories, hard to put into words cause things that are special can never be defined or redefined, only felt!!

Walkin Blues!

It`s always good to share good music and so for those our there who wanna try Blues for the first time, here`s a list of songs to get ya started, some of my fav`s indeed...

Black Muddy River (Grateful Dead).

If You Love Me (Van Morrison).

Standing Knee Deep In The River (Joe Cocker).

When I Come To You (Johnny Lang).

Out Of The Blue (Joe Cocker).

Reminds Me Of You (Van Morrison).

Feel Like Going Home (The Notting Hillbillies).

Need Ur Love So Bad (Fleetwood Mac).

A Women Left Lonely (Janis Joplin).

I’d Rather Go Blind (Etta James).

Cry Baby (Janis Joplin).

The Price I Pay (Robert Cray).

Sensitive Kind (J.J.Cale).

When I Get Home (Mike Bloomfield)

Lullaby Baby Blues (Keb`Mo).

Mercedes Benz (Janis Joplin).

Whiter Shades of Pale (Procol Harum).

Lets get it on (Marvin Gaye).

Strictly speaking, these are not what can be termed as BLUES ( the more accurate term would be, say R&B). But they all have a very strong root in Blues and are all Blues based music. Also, the artists are all Blues Musicians (in general). So, for anyone who wants to get into Blues, but without any prior knowledge of it, I Believe this is the most logical and natural way to start from ( Because with BLUES, you dont start from the beginning but from the END!).

In understanding and feeling BLUES, the experience is somewhat like learning to FLY- the hardest part is not actually the flying part, but coming down!

Blues Music started in America during the slavery period. It became the folk music of the blacks, infact it can be said that - It is the Folk Music of America. The Blacks who were slaves then, were treated very badly and their lives were filled with misery and sadness. 'What does a person do when he is in great Pain?', well, He Cries! The crying of course will not make things better, but after a good understrained cry, that person will feel much better. Well, thats exactly what the Blacks did. They Cried, only that they cried in tune, usually accompanied by guitar or a harmonica or both. Thats why Blues is so heavy (I'm not talking about 'Heavy' as in heavy rock or heavy metal) and deep, dripping with emotion. The essence of Blues is Feeling (the soul). You dont just play it or listen to it, that will not do, but feel it. To quote the immortal Muddy Waters 'It may be easy to play but not to feel it'. This has been the greatest challenge for musicians.

Blues maybe broadly divided into two: Pre war (before 1940) and Post war (after 1940). The pre-war is acoustic fingerstyle guitaring, usually a man singing, accompanying himself with an acoustic guitar. The post-war is usually in a band format including drums etc, with electric based instruments.

The artists mentioned are mostly from the 60's, the exceptions are Robert Cray from the 80's and Johnny Lang, Keb`Mo from the 90's and Etta James from the 50's.

All the popular music of the world can be traced back to the Blues (YeS! even country music). But the music most indebted to Blues is Rock music.Muddy even wrote a song about it called 'The Blues Had a baby and They called it Rock N Roll'.

The best time to listen to Blues is when you re alone. So, dig in, and feel the music and the soul.

In the SHadOWz

Time flies by when eveything seems Okie..
It jus turns out that life's dis way,
Big decisions overwhelm me and I know nothinz free.
What i dont think, think about much..

People die and i dont know why..
I could use some understanding..
I dont want to let my life fly by..
And time stand still when no one understands you..
when you dont quite understand yaself..
Yet god is faithful even when i dont have FAITH myself!!

MY Earth Idol !!!!

SOmeDay when the DAy Comes, I 'd Like to Sing Joplin`z "Take a lil piece of my Heart" in one of those racist BLACK shady dim barz in new orleans - where everyonez smoking and drinking, and listening to jazzy Bluez!!!!!

Bo Diddley - The Originator

History belongs to the victors and in the annals of rock and roll, three men have emerged as winners : Chuck Berry, Little Richard and Bo Diddley, a Holy Trinity who were there at the start.

DirTY DArk Secretz

I really honestly like every kind of music except for the contemporary 'TypiKAL Boyband n AMATeuR BAndz who think they are Big Time ROCKERS, plus the RAP CRAP. HATE IT! THAT STUFF WAS SPAWNED IN THE DEPTHS OF HELL!

First:The Rolling stones, The Grateful dead and The Wallflowers..... They're the best band's in the world. I know it, you know it, and your mom probably knows it. Think about it, there arn't many bands who can put out amazing album after amazing album, with songs that get you on such an emotional level? Nope. I listen to them and the music takes me to another place, and I feel it. No other kind of music inspires my LIFE as much as these bands, thanks boys!

JAck JOhnSon`z Band: Best new band out there right now. Seriously folks. They are the only new band that makes me wanna get up and dance like a crazy person....I have to meet Mr.JohnSon n his Band, they really are the sweetest guys, and nice to thier fans too...AND INDIAN MUSIC MAGAZINE'z HAS GOT NOTHIN' ON THESE GUYS. Sad but TRUE!

I LOVE JAnis Joplin, Bob Dylan and Van MOrrison . LOVE THEM. They're not really artist you can stick in a genre, so they get thier own shout out. LOVE THEM. Amazing! They're fabulous, and deep down, you wish you were in their band, don't lie. AND NO, I'm not some dippy girl that just likes them becoz of their album cover or their intense attitude. No no no....pop me in some Grassroots or Music any day.

80's/Synth Pop: I'm a HUGE fan of this stuff, my favorite genre ever. And there are WAY too many bands in this catergory to preach about individually, so just know that if they are on here, they're AMAZING, and you should listen to more of them!!!

DURAN DURAN, A-Ha, Arrested Development, Camouflage, David Bowie, Depeche Mode, The Dream Academy, Erasure, INXS, John Taylor's solo work, Madness, Morrissey, New Order, Pet Shop Boys, Psychedelic Furs, Real Life, Roxy Music, Simple Minds, Sisters of Mercy, Talk Talk, Talking Heads, Tears for Fears, The Cure, Human League, The Power Station, Shakespeare sisterz and The English Beat.

MY MOST RECENT OBSESSIONS: (Some newer geekz that I am IN LOVE with)

PROTOCOL!!! Daniel Potter, Gavin Degraw, The Strokes, Kaiser Cheifs, Joss Stone, , Stereophonics, White Stripes, the Pussycat dolls ;) and Taylor HICkz.

ROCK/METAL/INDUSTRIAL:
Alice Cooper, Bon Jovi (also the wussy ballads), Cinderella, Def Leppard, Guns N Roses, Judas Preist, Motley Crue, Nine Inch Nails, Ozzy Osbourne, Poison, Queensryche, Quiet Riot, Slaughter, Skid Row, Tesla, Van Halen, Warrant, White Lion, Winger, Iron Maiden, Steelheart, Lita Ford, Whitesnake....etc.

SOFTER/MELLOW STUFF: (Yes, this stuff is in regular rotation in my earz...)

John Mayer, The Postal Service, David Gray, Brian Eno, Keane, James Taylor, Chris Isaak, Live, Our Lady Peace, Savage Garden, Third Eye Blind (but not those lame overplayed songs), Tori Amos, Travis, and the Wallflowers and etc.

Punk rock : Ok, I used to LOVE punk rock. Oink! But it was kind of a chapter of my life that I slammed shut. But I'm slowly becoming reacquainted with it. NO, I don't mean that Good Charlotte/Sum 41/Simple Plan CRAP. No no no. I mean the good 'ole stuff. H20, Rancid, Relient K, GreenDAY, Pennywise.

Movies: Oh Gosh, where to start. Heres the list, in no particular order. .... Just Married, Pretty Woman, Sleepy Hollow, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Xmen movies, Liar Liar, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the MOVIE with Luke Perry, silly.) , The Wedding Singer, Coming to America, Dont Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, Beverly Hills Cop, Batman Begins, Sense and Sensibility, Wayne's World, The Pianist, America's Sweethearts, Down With Love, O Brother Where Art Thou?, Big Fish, Ocean's Eleven, Mean Girls, Weird Science, Chocolat, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Much Ado about Nothing, Kill Bill vol. 1 and 2, Meet Joe Black, Johnny English, The Count of Monte Cristo, and the Three Amigos. As you can see, I LOVE stupid humor. Kungpow is a family favorite, my dad laughs like a 12 year old when he watches it. I enjoy serious art filmz too and documentary kinds, Night and Fog, Children of Heaven, Decalogue (Krystof Kieslowski), The Battleship Potemkin- may be the greatest film ever made and etc etc.. and yes, i still haven`t watched "Da Vinci Code".....

Television Hmmm: One tree hill, Seinfeld, The Simpsons, The Alternative (on VH1 Classic), Friendz, Greyz Anatomy, Scrubs, anything on VH1, Little Britain, Pogo-GAGS, King of Queenz, Smallville, The OC (sometimes), oprah,Less than perfect,Will and Grace, I'll think of the others later....

Books: I'm not a HUGE reader right now... Not that I don't like it, but I just don't have time. I read a lot of magazines for style inspiration (haha) Elle, Cosmo, TIMES, MAD (cant get enuff of alfred Newman) , and more. I really spend my spare time reading film textbooks, does that count?...i aint kidding, haha. Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami one of my fav novelz, otherz would be graphic novels (fancy way of saying comic books) of Marjane Satrapi-Persopolis, and Persopolis 2, Erich segal, Nicholas Sparks, Tranmission, Eleven minutes and Alchemist etc etc...Archies, Tinkle...Calvin n Hobbes ...

Heroes.... Apart from my comic book heroes, my real life this-person-changed-my-world heroes? Anand Patwardhan, a genius film-maker, and a GIANT influence on me. I started watching his doc-films during graduation, and he has literally changed my life. In a professional world run by so many Indian doc-film makers now, he entered and took over, with a style completely recognizable and stunning. And yes i saw him at the Mumbai International Film Fest (MIFF 2006).You may have seem many of his famous films like Peace n War, Bombay our city. He is such an inspiration to me.... Internationally, I love Michael MoOre`z doc and many of the Middle East film-makers .

Details Status: Single...haha....kidding.....presently very very commited to some guy.

Here for: Networking, Friends and Time PAss!

Orientation: Straight

Hometown: Aizawl, Mizoram BABY! Presently in HyderaBAd.

Body type: 5' someThing..hehe" /

Ethnicity: Brown - Mizo- Mongalian..haha.

Religion: Jesus CHrist.

Zodiac Sign: CapriKoRn.

Smoke / Drink: huh! / another huh!

Children: Someday

Education: PG in Communication.

Occupation: Producer, Christian Broadcating Network (CBN).

Who would I like to meet..... Bob Dylan. Period!

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A DATE, KNOW THIS: a synth blues loving-film-girl-closet-metalhead probably may or may not have much to say to a blasting bullet bike riding boy with a popped collar, if you get my drift. OH, AND YEs if someone out there is interested to be my Friend.....I WILL CHECK OUT YOUR PROFILE, AND IF YOU OR Ur FRIENDS R WITH A BUNCH OF SLUTS THAT ARE HALF NAKED IN THEIR PROFILE PICS, I WILL DROP YOU WITHOUT THINKING TWICE. THOSE GIRLS NEED TO GET A BRAIN, AND YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE AND FIND REAL FRIENDS. AND NO TAG - MESSAGES Or COMMENTS THAT ONLY SAY STUFF LIKE, "Hey cutie..." or "What's up, honey?" HATE THOSE. Put some substance in there! Talk about art, or films, or music, or the friggin' weather, or SOMETHING, or please don't bother to comment at all. Sounds rude, I know. But I've gotta filter it out somehow! Oh, and please don't message me and tell me something I like SUCKS....I know what I like and what I don't like, and I don't need someone telling me otherwise..... hehehe! HAve a Great Life!!!

SHOEz, SOCkz, FoOt N a DreAm

Somethin to go with my Foot, got it at discount a very long time ago, sure still got the LOOkz. My mindz extra *blank*, my eyez about to shut close. I had a really bad dream last nite, dreamt of a vampire chasing me and i was like ...buffy the slayer(wainch but true), i dont remember slaying him much but he seemed quite bruised, to save him the pain, i decided to wake up and sweat under the sheetz. Must have said a 100 prayerz. . anyways, time to sleep for tonites episode.

BareNaked

The Pumpkins are back, according to Corgan:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/media/acrobat/2005-06/18118271.pdf

Aside from this,i have now watched 5 1-hour episodes of TaKen in a row. thank you for feeding my obsession, my carbohydrate overload, totally surprisingly i dont suffer from any stomach storm,i love life, i am beginning to hate chicken- my neighbours chick is a fighter, it came flying and almost peck off my precious skin. I watched batman ..finally .. it was way too good , i wish i could watch it again but the price shucks... way too expensive, i wish my father was the STATE BANK OF INDIA ....then i`d definitely watch it again. I watched Riddick and bridget jones again ... i enjoyed and laughed till i drop . rt now i need to listen to kungfu fighting (ost kungpow) and i shall ....

Blackbusk`

Can anyone tell me if Bob Dylan wrote his own music? I have dis very anoying FREN in my life who tells me J.J Cale wrote much of Dylans stuff and, honestly, it hurts to entertain the thought. Someone please tell me the truth and substantiate your claim with resources please..wateva "DYLAN`s Da MAn" :)

batman

BATMAN BEGINS ... premiere`s on 17 june ( INdIA) .... FInally ONE GUD LOOKING BATMAN, can`t wait to watch it :)

KID BONd 007~

Some anonymous geek send me this pic and said it was a replica of our rockin CM Zoramthanga in his childhood days, NO further comments ....could it B true ( jus some insane thought running through my Head)...

Bless tHe bRoken Road

The years between yesterday and tomorrow have been characterized by struggles beyond even my reckoning, and despair so deep that my ability to pull myself up and out of that dark pit has all but disappeared. And each time I have fallen, the spirits have been there to help me get up on my feet again.

I don't know why the spirits choose to do this. I've never understood it, and I probably never will - at least, not while I'm in this body, on this plane of existence. All I know is that I've never been alone. Indeed, I've become so used to their presence in my life that even one day without the presence of at least one spirit leaves me unable to think or function properly. It's sad, but it is true.

The spirit realm is filled with those who have left this plane of existence, and moved on to more happy and fulfilling tasks. For some of us on this plane, having the spirits around to guide us is as essential as having air to breathe. I am one of those people who needs the spirits, if for no other reason than to learn from them, and to feel safe and protected from the harshness this plane often throws at me...

One day, I will leave this plane of existence, and I will join all those who have gone before me in the Spirit Realm. And when I arrive, I will be happy, for there, there are spirits. There, there is pure love~~

Song Without a Title

Something i wrote late night, a consequence of insomnia, it even has a tune but guess it`ll have to wait untill i can get hold of the guitar and the right kinda voice...unless, well someones willing to rip their voice box for meh :) . Cant seem to think of a title for this song,i`ll figure it out someday when that day comez.

Paralyzed shadow
I m haunted by my own reflection
Drowning in my fears
Could this be another revelation?
Standing behind a faceless shadow
To catch me when I fall.

Hear me now,
I feel stranded from heaven
I m cold and I cant move on
Dont let me drown in my sins
Wont you take me by the hand?
And save me.

Tainted depression
I m cornered by my own satisfaction
Crippled in the corridors
Where junkies have no home
Hiding away from crying angels
To catch me when I fall.

ThE SuN Is NoT YelloW .....It`S ChiCkeN !

Late night siesta don`t come easily, my minds clouded at the moment trying to figure out some silly mishaps of life ....big deal .This may be a really difficult question to pose, but, in all fairness to myself, I know that there are lines that ring through my mind each and every day...and i`m out here a thousand miles away from home......miss my ol man .....we could sing 'father and daughter' the straight cut Paul Simon`s gig at this time of the day ....when the winds are hush and the linings of the morning sun are being over-shadowed by the evening sky.

On days like these, Dylan makes my head bridge over lines like " a worried gurl with a worried mind, no one infront of me and nothing behind,aint it just like the night to play tricks on you when you`re trying to be so quiet" , It always pops in my head when I think of life,which is everyday.

Like everyone else , i sit here stranded, though we are all doing our best to deny it, and dawgs do hold a handful of rain tempting us to defy it................Lights flicker from the opposite loft,in this room the coolers just cough,the radio station plays soft but theres nothing, really nothing to turn on to .....and ya there tangled up in blue.....and then heres bob singing " Try to get to heaven before the doors close "...when do they close??? and then i`m taken over by lil shaking tides of voices saying - i don`t need a weatherman or for that matter a guru to tell me which way the wind blows....or when the doors will b close .......coz ...we Know what's real and what is not, it doesn't matter inside the Gates of Eden.There are many lines that filter through my mind, but one that I think of often is,"Every thought that's strung a knot in my mind, I might go insane if it couldn't be sprung. But it's not to stand naked under unknowing eyes; it's for myself and my friends that my stories are sung." During times of stress, when I question myself, barenaked with all that is in me, asking myself the decisions I need to make, those words remind me to follow what my feelings are. Be true to myself, I guess, and let what is inside of me out..........which leaves me with the lines " it`s not dark yet .....but it`s getting there".

LIFE, i guess..........